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The 5 escalating levels of a HANGOVER

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  • The 5 escalating levels of a HANGOVER

    Five Levels of Hangovers

    One Star Hangover (*)

    No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.


    Two Star Hangover (**)

    No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.


    Three Star Hangover (***)

    Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavoured schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--yet you haven't peed once.


    Four Star Hangover (****)

    Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein,
    and even your hair hurts. Your bowels are in a perpetual spasm, and the
    first of about five dumps you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

    Five Star Hangover (*****)

    You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in
    your bed this morning. Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your butt. Death sounds pretty good about right now ........


    What level does Hoosier Bob fall into on a Saturday Morning?

    Steve
    sigpic

  • #2
    Steve……..
    I love it, so very funny…….

    Hummmm Hoosier Bob on Saturday Morning?
    I would say 4 stars, if we could ever find him?
    I rather be waterboarding

    Comment


    • #3
      Good sutff.
      If one day you're asked:
      " How did you spend your time here on Earth?"
      Will you say:
      "I kept a crabgrass free lawn"
      It's time to SKI.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Maristar210
        Five Levels of Hangovers




        What level does Hoosier Bob fall into on a Saturday Morning?

        Steve


        ALL of the above!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
        Charter Member Number 1

        Quote: 2RLAKE,
        At some point in time people need to wake up, remove their cranial intrusion into their own rectal areas, and take responsibility for their own actions.




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        • #5
          I experienced all 5 levels... just this past Sunday.
          www.WaterMakerMan.com

          Comment


          • #6
            Excellent!
            In wine there is wisdom,
            in beer there is freedom,
            in water there is bacteria.
            -Ben Franklin

            Comment


            • #7
              i am a moderate (unfortunately not in drinking) i think 3 is my daily practice!
              When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

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              • #8
                Coincidently I have a three star this morning.

                "Booze cruising on that da** pontoon again, weren't ya boy??"

                That's a firm. Hey where did all these empty Corona bottles come from?

                Shhhhhh!!!



                Steve
                sigpic

                Comment


                • #9
                  LOL! I have a friend that has done the 4 star one sided face shave thing
                  A running apology for misspells and general butchering of the Kings English

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I think I'm at about 1.5 today. I keep drinking coffee but nothing comes out the other end.

                    J.R.
                    J.R.
                    1989 MC TriStar 190

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      2-1/2 this morning for me.

                      Lot's of Miller Lite waiting for the Tigers to come on and it never happened.


                      Tonight?
                      sigpic

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                      • #12
                        It's been awhile since I had anything over the 3 star. Hopefully try tonight. Great stuff.
                        Hard work beats talent, when talent doesn't work hard!

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                        • #13
                          Great stuff! It's been a while since I had a 5 star but did do a 3 star last weekend
                          06 X-30


                          Why yes I do love a rampy wake with a firm lip. Thanks for asking.

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                          • #14
                            3 star two weeks ago.

                            The one missing aspect of the 5 star is puking into the same garbage can as your roommate did the night before, then being unable to see the TV from across the room on the couch because your eyes refuse to focus that far away.

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                            • #15
                              Hoosier had a four star today
                              sigpic

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