Morning Joke Thread

[sizzler]

n the farm lived a chicken and a donkey, both of whom loved to play
>together. One day, the two were playing when the donkey fell into a bog
and
>began to sink.
>
>Scared for his life, the donkey 'hee hawed' for the chicken to go get
>the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.
>
>Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to
>no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.
>
>Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Z-4 series BMW.
>Finding the keys inside, the chicken sped off with a length of rope,
>hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
>
>Back at the bog, the donkey was surprised, but happy, to see the
>chicken
>
>arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of
>rope the chicken tossed to him.
>
>After tieing the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's car, the
>chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful
>car, rescued the donkey!
>
>Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and
>the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
>
>The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best
>pals.
>
>A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too,
>began to sink and cried out to the donkey to save his life!
>
>The donkey thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large
>puddle.
>
>Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his "thing" and he
>would
>
>then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the
>donkey pulled him up and out, saving his life.
>
>
>The moral of the story?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>When you're hung like a donkey, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks
>

[André]

LOL!
Sizzler ,good one...as usual!!!

[Professor]

Great...

[sizzler]

i would like to say that i dont need a BMW.....

but i can't

[JimN]

Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side.
She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face.
Her praying roused him from his slumber He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.
"Becky my darling," he whispered.
"Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."
He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have something that I must confess."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky, "everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend and your mother!"
"I know, my sweet one" whispered Becky with a smile, "Now let the poison work."

[JimN]

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening
the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." Then she quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, it's a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later when they went to sleep.
Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen
and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at
the Smiths’ for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."

############################
A man walks into a night club one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 cent." "One Cent?", exclaimed the man.
So the man glances over at the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a fried egg?"
"Certainly Sir," replies the barman, "but that comes to real money."
"How much money?" inquires the man.
"4 cents," the bartender replied. "Four Cents?", exclaimed the man.
"Where's the guy who owns this place?" The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with
my wife." The man says,
"What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied,
"The same thing I'm doing to his business."

[milkmania]

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening
the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." Then she quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, it's a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later when they went to sleep.
Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen
and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at
the Smiths’ for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."

love it

[Leroy]

Great one's JimN

[sizzler]

very nice jim,very nice

[JEREMY79]

very nice jim

[JimN]

Here are some I think most of you can relate to.

[JimN]

And just when you thought it was over,.....

[milkmania]

a webcam clip of a guy telling his girlfriend goodnight......
hilarious!!!!!

http://www.big-boys.com/articles/webcamlove.html

[Zach S]

It looks like the gal in "drunk 4" may have had a little trouble making it to the toilet before passing out.

[JimN]

Here's another one. I hope PETA doesn't see this.