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  • Are you a Democrat, Republican, or Southern Republican

    Question: How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans, and Southern Republicans? The answer can be found by posing the following question:

    You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.

    You are carring a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

    What do you do?

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Democrat's Answer:

    Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
    Does the man look poor or oppressed?
    Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
    Could we run away?
    What does my wife think?
    What about the kids?
    Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
    What does the law say about this situation?
    Does the Glock have the appropriate safety built into it?
    Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
    Is it possible he'd be happy just killing me?
    Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound me?
    If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
    Should I call 9-1-1?
    Why is this street so deserted?
    We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier steet that would discourage such behavior.
    This is all so confusing!
    I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Republican's Answer:

    BANG!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Southern Republican's Answer:

    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
    click....(sounds of reloading).
    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
    click Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips??"

    Comment


    • Swaha Lodge Lake Greeson Akansas..... www.swahacabins.com

      Comment


      • I just got my new Lexus RX400h, and returned to the dealer the
        next day, complaining that I couldn't figure out how the radio
        worked. The salesman explained that the radio was voice
        activated.

        "Watch this!" He said, "Nelson!

        The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

        "Willie!" He continued....and On The Road Again came from
        the speakers.

        I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd
        say, Beethoven!" I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I
        said, "Beatles!" I'd get one of their awesome songs.

        One day, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new
        car, but I swerved in time to avoid them.

        "*******S!" I yelled.....

        The French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda
        and Michael Moore, backed up by John Kerry on guitar,
        Al Gore on drums and Bill Clinton on sax....

        I LOVE this car!
        Working is for people who don't know how to ski

        Comment


        • "How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?

          "Ten.

          "1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;

          "2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;

          "3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;

          "4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for eternal darkness;

          "5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;

          "6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner 'Bulb Accomplished';

          "7. One administration insider to resign and in detail reveal how Bush was literally 'in the dark' the whole time;

          "8. One to viciously smear No. 7;

          "9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;

          "10. And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country."
          Working is for people who don't know how to ski

          Comment


          • Nice to see you can play both sides of the political game
            / \

            Former boats:
            2003 Prostar 197 35th Anniversary
            1990 Prostar 190

            Comment


            • A woman comes home from the hypnotist and tells her husband, "Remember
              >> those
              >> headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
              >>
              >> "No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"
              >>
              >> His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand
              >> in
              >> front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache;
              >> I
              >> do not have a headache; I do not have a headache.' It
              >> worked! The headaches are all gone."
              >>
              >> The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful."
              >>
              >> His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in
              >> the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and
              >> see
              >> if he can do
              >> anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it.
              >>
              >> Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes,
              >> picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the
              >> bed
              >> and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."
              >>
              >> He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps
              >> into
              >> bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife
              >> says,
              >> "Boy, that was wonderful!"
              >>
              >> The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into
              >> the
              >> bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.
              >> The
              >> wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't
              >> move,
              >> I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom.
              >>
              >> This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she
              >> sees
              >> him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my
              >> wife. She's not my wife!
              >>
              Swaha Lodge Lake Greeson Akansas..... www.swahacabins.com

              Comment


              • Gynecologist

                A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and was
                on the verge of being burned out.

                Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be
                beneficial, he decided to change careers and become a mechanic.

                He found out from the local technical college what was involved,
                signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.
                When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist
                prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

                When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had
                obtained a score of 150%.

                Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I don't want
                to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if
                there had been an error which needed adjusting."

                The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart
                perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark.

                You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."


                The instructor went on to say, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it
                through the muffler
                Swaha Lodge Lake Greeson Akansas..... www.swahacabins.com

                Comment


                • Originally posted by John B
                  I just got my new Lexus RX400h, and returned to the dealer the
                  next day, complaining that I couldn't figure out how the radio
                  worked. The salesman explained that the radio was voice
                  activated.

                  "Watch this!" He said, "Nelson!

                  The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

                  "Willie!" He continued....and On The Road Again came from
                  the speakers.

                  I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd
                  say, Beethoven!" I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I
                  said, "Beatles!" I'd get one of their awesome songs.

                  One day, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new
                  car, but I swerved in time to avoid them.

                  "*******S!" I yelled.....

                  The French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda
                  and Michael Moore, backed up by John Kerry on guitar,
                  Al Gore on drums and Bill Clinton on sax....

                  I LOVE this car!

                  ROTFLMAO!!!
                  Living like no one else so later we can live like no one else

                  MC's owned:
                  1986 Skier 19
                  1995 ProStar 190
                  2003 X-7
                  1994 ProStar 205 (current)

                  Comment


                  • Helga in Minnesota

                    Gootness!

                    It was a hot day in Minnesota. Helga hung out the wash to dry and emptied the wash tubs of water, scrubbed the floor, went to the garden and dug potatoes for supper. Then went downtown to get the mail at the post office.

                    "Gootness, it's hotter den hell today, she mused to herself as she walked down Main Street. She passed the tavern and thought,"Vell, vy not?" and walked in and took a seat at the bar.

                    The bartender asked her what she would like to drink. "Ya know, it is hotter den hell out dere and I tink I'll have meself a cold beer." she answered.

                    "Anheuser Busch?" the bartender asked.

                    Helga blushed and replied "Vell, Tanks. I tink its yust fine, und how's yur viener?"
                    2006 X-2, MCX, Blue and White

                    Comment


                    • This may have already been posted didn't read far enough back to check. I got a big kick out of it, not sure if I would have passed!



                      The Test.

                      I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriendand I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

                      There was only one little thing bothering me ... it was her beautiful
                      younger sister.



                      My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view of her private parts. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

                      One day, "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

                      Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."

                      I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.



                      Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

                      With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."




                      And the moral of this story is:
                      Always keep your condoms in your car.
                      Last edited by mgurley; 09-15-2005, 09:43 AM.
                      2002 Prostar 197

                      Comment


                      • And how many of you would have told the future father-in-law "Thank you sir, but I've got to run upstairs to take care of something!"
                        / \

                        Former boats:
                        2003 Prostar 197 35th Anniversary
                        1990 Prostar 190

                        Comment


                        • How many people with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb?




























                          I like cake...
                          If my words don't make sense, try reading them backwards.

                          Comment


                          • Now that right there is funny stuff..... if you didn't think that was funny, just leave
                            If one day you're asked:
                            " How did you spend your time here on Earth?"
                            Will you say:
                            "I kept a crabgrass free lawn"
                            It's time to SKI.

                            Comment


                            • LMFAO!!!!! That father-in-law joke was a good one!
                              You don't have to buy a lake to own it~MasterCraft

                              Comment


                              • who was the first person to sail single-handedly around the world?????
























                                captain hook!!!!!
                                KEEP YA TOES UP!!!!!

                                2004 X9 MCX ALL BLACK


                                http://www.prwb.net/tallington/index.php?id=12


                                nice older x-boat at berth in the advertisment above

                                Comment

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