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  #2981  
Old 03-28-2019, 01:01 AM
rtw_travel1 rtw_travel1 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by slalomjunkie View Post
The other day I was sitting there watching TV and Mrs SlalomJunkie, apparently feeling a little frisky, comes in wearing a pair of those crotchless panties…

She props her leg up on the couch in front of me and in her sluttiest voice says “hey big boy, want some of this…?”

I said “What?? Are you kidding?? Look what it did to your underwear…”

Enjoy, I’ll be here all day

SJ
After that comment, you’ll probably be there all night too! :-)
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  #2982  
Old 05-29-2019, 09:58 AM
slalomjunkie slalomjunkie is offline
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Mornin Gang,

Been a while since I posted in here, had to share this little exchange I had with Mrs SlalomJunkie…

Sunday night, I got to feeling a little horned up and as we laid in bed, I asked Mrs SlalomJunkie: "Hey, any chance you might f---k the pool boy soon?"

She said "we'd need to get a better looking pool boy..."

I said "B---!, I'M THE EFFING POOL BOY!"

We laughed until we cried, she thought I was referring to the pool guy that comes out to work for our contractor.

Hey, at least it got this pool boy laid. Enjoy your hump day humor, yes at my expense this time…

Humpingly,

SJ

====================================

A small boy asks his Dad, "Daddy, what is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father having sex with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep ****."
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  #2983  
Old 06-01-2019, 09:29 PM
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Bwag1961 Bwag1961 is offline
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Boat: 2014 Mastercraft X25 w/Gen2 and Surf Pkg.
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Jumper on Bridge


A group of HELL’S ANGELS, South Carolina bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.

Rod, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby . . whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"

Why don't you give ol' Rod here your best last kiss?

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that . .
and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished,
Rod gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says,

"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had!
That's a real talent you're wasting there, Sugar Shorts.
You could be famous if you rode with me.
Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."
it’s unclear if she jumped or was pushed.

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“A boat is a hole in the water into which you pour money.”.....but it's a lot of fun!!
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  #2984  
Old 06-07-2019, 10:14 AM
toddvdh toddvdh is offline
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A man and his wife were driving along a road.

The wife says "I know we've been married for five years, but I want a divorce."

The man speeds up slowly.

The wife opens her mouth again. "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, I've been having an affair with your best friend and he's a much better lover than you are."

The man speeds up again, subtly.

This time, the wife lists her demands, "I want the house, I want the kids too, I want the car, the chequing account and all the credits cards as well."

The man speeds up one last time.

The wife faces her husband and asks, "Isn't there anything you want?"

The man looks at his wife and says, "I've got everything I need."

The wife looks puzzled and asks him, "What's that?"

The man turns the car, heading towards a pillar with a large grin on his face and replies with, "I've got the airbag."
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  #2985  
Old 06-11-2019, 08:49 AM
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pmkkdx pmkkdx is offline
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The man turns the car, heading towards a pillar with a large grin on his face and replies with, "I've got the airbag."
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  #2986  
Old 08-14-2019, 10:19 AM
slalomjunkie slalomjunkie is offline
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Just got back from a week in Sunny Cozumel Sunday. I felt just along for the ride as Mrs Slalomjunkies entire family was present and boy what a dramafest it turned out to be. I think the next time we do one, I am booking a solo trip on a liveaboard dive boat somewhere… Anyways, when we got back Mrs Slalomjunkie was feeling a little frisky and comes over and says “Hey baby, I want you to say dirty things to me…”

I said “kitchen”, “master bath”, “living room…”

Welcomehomeingly,

SJ

===============================


One mass the Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tutti Homini" meaning, Blessed be Mankind.

A women's rights group approached the Pope the next day. They noticed that the Pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind.

The next day, after His sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tutti Homini, et Tutti Femini" - Blessed be Mankind and Womankind.

The next day, a gay-rights group approached the Pope.

They said that they noticed that he blessed man kind and woman kind, and asked if he could also bless gay people.

The Pope said, "Sure".

The next day, the Pope concluded his sermon with, "Tutti Homini, et Tutti Femini, et Tutti Fruiti."
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  #2987  
Old 08-27-2019, 11:26 AM
slalomjunkie slalomjunkie is offline
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Mornin Gang…

The alarm went off way too early this morning… I have to get up super early to beat the morning idiot parade… Anyways, Mrs SlalomJunkie was feelin a bit amorous this morning, starts giving me the usual signs… 1st thing out of my mouth was “I’m hungry and I’m horny…”

Her reply? “You could eat me….”

TwoForOneingly,

SJ


A farmer sent his wife to town to the tractor dealership for a new hydraulic hose, and asked her to also stop by Walmart to buy a rod and reel for their grandson’s birthday. Once in the store she realizes she really doesn’t know which one to get, so she just grabs a rod and reel set and goes over to the counter. The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark shades. She says to him, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?”

He says, “Ma’am, I’m completely blind; but if you’ll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.” She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, “That’s a Zebco 404 Spincast combo rod and reel with 10 pound test line. It’s a good all-around combination, and it’s on sale this week for only $20.00.”

She says, “It’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I’ll take it!” As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. “Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,” he says. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes, there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was her who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around?

The man rings up the sale and says, “That’ll be $34.50 please.” The woman is totally confused by this and asks, “Didn’t you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?” He replies, “Yes, ma’am. The rod and reel are $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00, and the Catfish Stink Bait is $3.50.”
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The sea, once it casts it's spell, holds one in it's net of wonder forever - Jacques Cousteau
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  #2988  
Old 08-27-2019, 09:43 PM
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JTNG JTNG is offline
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Thumbs up

LOL that was hillarious
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  #2989  
Old 09-04-2019, 06:06 AM
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MattsCraft MattsCraft is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JTNG View Post
LOL that was hillarious


Two guys come across a huge pit in a field- One says to the other, I wonder how deep it is? So they decide to through a stone down the pit, & wait for a sound to report back... Nothing

They get a bigger boulder, toss it down, still nothing... We need something bigger, as they look around, they find a railroad tie, toss it in

Shortly after they toss it - A sheep comes running past & jumps right in the pit... They are in total amazement at what they just witnessed...

About that time a farmer comes by, & ask if they have seen a sheep... Yeah dude, he just came running by & jumped right into that huge pit...

Farmer states - Wow, That is amazing considering I had him tied up to a railroad tie!


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  #2990  
Old 09-06-2019, 11:14 AM
slalomjunkie slalomjunkie is offline
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Mornin gang, and happy Friday…

Why is it that a holiday week always seems lo seem longer than a normal 5 day week?

Anyways, we got out to ski last night last second after I spent an hour and a half on the yard… Seems that yardwork and scuba are the only times I experience silence outside the sounds of the mower or the bubbles.

Mrs. Slalom Junkie comes out after I’d skied with the neighbor and before she could say anything I asked “Do you know why God made Adam 1st and Eve 2nd?”

“Uh, no, why?”

“Because God did not want anyone telling how to make Adam…”

Pre-emptive-strikingly,

SJ

=================


An Italian family is at the dinner table when the father says to his oldest son, "Tony, Why you so fat?"

Tony says, "Poppa, it's-a Mama's spaghetti! I can't-a stop-a eating it."

Poppa says, "You should-a take-a smaller bites…"

Then Poppa says to his middle son, "Michael! Why you so fat?"

Michael says, "Poppa, it's-a Mama's lasagna. I can't-a stop-a eating it, it's-a so good."

Poppa says, "You should-a also take-a smaller bites…"

Then Poppa says to his youngest son, "Fredo! How you-a stay so slim-a and-a trim-a?"

Fredo says, "It's-a so easy, Poppa. I eat-a lots and lots of-a p-ssy."

Poppa says, "P-ssy? That's-a taste like shít!"

Fredo says, "Poppa, You should-a take-a smaller bites…"
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